Chapter16 Value has Originally a Difference exists between Universal one and Not So One

The people to work hard are doing their job with a steady value vision as a finger, in watching of all business in the society, we can confirm that two types of jobs with a type to do the jobs with rare people’s supports and a type of jobs with so many people’s support as universal one exists. Which type of jobs would be talked by future age people? We would be given only a neutral answer with a possibility that all of jobs would be talked.
But the person with a job is always aware of which type of job he or she has chosen, I think.
As concerned as me, I wouldn’t resign my job unless only one supporter of my job would be disappear.
I’d met a woman to think that she understood me so much rather than anyone. Despite of this when I show a concern to her body to her, she always refuse any trials of suggestion to attack her in my sexual desire with a rigorous claim that only a man with steady power of economy and social status can hold a woman’s body as a just right. According to that her attitude when I try to be concerned wit other women subjectively she always tried to stop my any trials to attack other women despite of the fact that I didn’t have any steady relation with her. I cannot forget that woman’s ugliness that truly she had a body desire so much but she tried to hide those because of being conscious of social modesty that every woman has to hold on the value vision forced to be given to them (She graduated from post graduate school). I can define my all of my younger days of my life a youth age to be mercy of being trapped by a bad woman( since the moment to decide not to meet her , I took eight years).
Trying to escape from this woman I had a intimate woman to talk, she was more than more than twelve years older. She (was a lecturer of my university) who couldn’t understand my desire to her body, when I abandoned all of trials to attack her she asked me why I didn’t try to attack her with sexual desire. Women are the existence not to be a lover but at the same time of it also the existence not to be a friend, at that time I held that impression. Other chance to hold that impression was none.
I was helter-skelter. I got to be aware of the rigorous difference exists between a desire of men to women and one of women to men. After the event I made me get a sexual pleasure as bubbles with prostitutes.
After those trials, I wanted to love anyone of woman. As my reminiscence to those days more precious experience for me was an experience with prostitutes more than ugly women I met, I can say so now. After those experiences I met several women and they implanted me so much about the spirit I’ve held since those days, but I reserve its story now.
I hate a word of Seiso as Japanese means modesty every women have to hold in Japanese society ethics forced to be given to all of unmarried women, That word is used in Junichi Watanabe as a famous novelist in Japan. Japanese so famous authorized dictionary Kojien shows its meaning that to be pure and be without any surplus emotion and ostentation. As my vision to all of women, women are the existence that can be divided only two of the side to try to devour the sexual desire and the side to sell their virgin value as snobbism with an idea only self is pure as ugly women ought to hold. In that category every women for example a women to marry someone can belong to alternative types. Especially a trial to abolish any prostitution in Japan, every male sex persons’ destiny has changed so much.

I’ll go back to the story of an ugly woman to met in my youth age.
Simply she was interested in me and my religion or belief. In spite of that a woman like her would never be aware of my belief of doing job as a finger of enthusiastic male sex person to job. It’s a truth of that type of women. But human-beings have a dream to assimilate the element of not understand in self vision subjectively as a hope to change myself. But rather women have a skill to hide that desire under pretentious face as pure lady. It’s also a truth.
According to all those facts, I felt that woman’s idea so ugly that to have a sexual intercourse with prostitutes or to have so many experience of sexual relationship to many women is not moralistic and she had become like a mother to male sex person as me. For me mother as an existence is enough as my true mother. In the relationship between men and women has no moral. Merely virgin of so bad woman is so many. Jiust because of that truth, words by Junichi Watanabe, I have a strong sensual desire to pure Seiso woman would cause my angry emotion as objection. (from “A manner to have a sensual desire”) Is to be Seiso so valuable really?
But even it would be only a truth took by my individual experience. Probably so many people to have completely different experience to my one would exist. Then if the writer was here to be concerned with that point namely except own truth, so many truth would exist, and write , that person is inverse to me. I am an inverse type of writer. At least in that type of value vision or truth vision originates in own experience, I cannot select the method to write inexperienced matter and pretending to be known attitude completely, and I always want to be honest at that point.
Then a characteristic to my writing style would have so rare supporters with sympathy and understandings. I am aware of it surely. At that meaning I belong to the type of Dr. Yoshimichi Nakajima rather than Itsro Kohama as my writer’s stance. But despite of the type similarity I would never hope to write a claim to my parents or derogation to my family like Dr.Nakajima. My father was dead so long time, and my mother is alive now. I don’t want to write the matter of them especially.
(Any family has a little trouble without exception). If I had a neck of mind to them, I would reserve it in my deep part of my mind. That is at one meaning my ethical vision as a writer.
From Chapter11 to Chapter this I subjectively write all, but at the next chapter, I’d like to think with synthetic vision and annalistic vision and intentionally think so willingly all.